I Feel just Beautiful

I don't know why

Jem's voice crooning the lyrics from Flying High echoes inside my mind

I can't na na na I can't na na na I can't na na na I can't na na na

but, I'm Flying so High

High off the ground

When you're around..

I feel like laughing with my head thrown back so I do, I laugh with my head thrown back and look up into my own reflection and smile thinking, oh man, had you not walked into my life I would not have had such a moment of laughter or even the present smile on my face for..

a) had I not met you and heard this jem song it would have been empty to me like an uncut diamond would look like a plain rock to a jewler had he not been practiced

b) had I not met you I would not have seen the word "you're" as such.. I would have seen it as "your" and would not have smiled at the sweet growth you've incured in me

c) had I not met you, when I looked into the mirror I would not have seen my smiling eyes that you found so beautiful I would have seen a nose, a mouth, a skin, a person to be despised

But My honest one.. I did and I laughed and I smiled

and I searched up the word.. beauty

I don't know why but I did

"Beauty is a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure"

I suppose this is why they say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

what one sees as pleasent or pleasing differs from another

but I must tell you My dashing one.. Being Beautiful to you?

That is just everything and all

hehe *small blush*

now don't ask me why about that.. or I will have to say

I just don't know :P

Salty kisses

Sweet tears kiss my skin and run down to the left side

I curse diffrent curses again and again in my head

Fuck you Fuck youu Fuch you!

I Hate him I Hate that..grr I Hate him

you're not him.. he's not you.. what have you done with the man I fell in love with..?

these questions so bitter linger on the edge of my toungue held there by a hopless hope that maybe he'll be him again.. you'll be you again..

sometimes I go in with a hope and smile and see you try hard too while we talk I try too hard and during that time in another location called mind I try to convince myself even harder of some external cause for your being some what diffrent from my man

sometimes I go in just like he is inbetween, polite words frozen with boredom.. he sees this and tries to cheer me and just like that I hope again and find myself again talking again to no one but myself

either method leaves me at the same place.. with tears running onto my cheek and into my hand.. pressing my dry lips into  salty moisture and begging sleep to make me his for good

Incredible Silence

Everythings quiet after the storm.. Only a tell tale cracking of lightning far off hints at what had come

What can I say..?

I'll live, my breath isnt going to stop, the suns still ganna shine but some how I dont think it'll be as bright as when you were around..

I begged him for days.. Such a soothing sensual voice I had to hear it sing a song.. Hehe heres what he sung for me

Incredible Silence ~ Rahul's Singing

Mera haq..

Haan Mera haq.. My right.. Mera fairz..yeh My duty

I can slap you when you act idiotic X.x

You said your going away for a few days.. Bt why??

That day I didnt reply to you.. I wasnt hurt.. Did you know I fell asleep while talking to you??

Stupid boy.. Come home na.. Don't you know a stupid girl needs you now? :/

Don't you know everyday that passes without a message she get more and more stressed..

She knows you like to forget your problems.. And shes  sorry that shes become one of the problems your trying to erase from your mind :/ bt you know desi boy? .. She only wanted to be the person she could go to when things got tough.. She wanted to be the person that you could laugh with and forget your worries.. Our hours and hours laughing and joking and "hmming" on the phone -P She really misses that..

And she really misses you..

Come back soon marrisa ka ryan hehe

Joya ka parma..

Because she doesnt want to take another breath w/o you :)

Topaz letter

You've all heard of a scarlet letter, and who it's usually written to

You've also heard of a red rose, and who it's given to

And maybe some know.. maybe all know who a yellow rose is gifted to

A friend, yellow represents sunshine, wholenesss, cheer, but also friendship

So like the Scarlet letter here is my modern Topaz letter.. Written to a boy.. Yeh hes my bestfriend and I love him very very much..

Rahul..?

Pata nhi if yur on..

Pata nhi if you'll care..

Pata nhi if I'm going to regret this..

Bt forgetting everything.. Forgetting everything I think you did to me.. Forgetting everything you think I did to you.. Forgetting everything we think we did to each other.. I miss you ..

At first.. I couldnt sleep and I didnt know why..? Was it stress? Bt I've felt stress before.. so then was is realization? Bt death isnt a new topic to me.. so then was it fear? Bt what is there to fear? So then is it because I told a lie? Bt my conscience felt fine.. So then what was it? What made my stomach feel like something was clawing its way out and my head search for answers..

It was and is because I miss you.. Its why I cry even when I'm typing this.. Just praying to god with all my might that you might ping back..jst one smiley

Even now I think.. What am I doing? This is stupid, what will everyone say? What will everyone think? Will I hate myself later..? Should I just have let you go..? Leave you out of the misery of getting to know me before I have leave again for some other reason? Or out of the misery of watching me Love another man..?

Yeh this ulluh thinks about all these things..

Her head says pagal hogayi kya?

But her heart.. Thats making her tummy tumble.. And making salty tears go down her cheeks and wet her lips and drip down her nose

That heart says simply .. You miss him

All these little things would be okay if you could only laugh and scream and giggle and fight and have a battle of whits or a battle of your chicken and sing in tuneless voices and wear old clothes and baggy things and chalk up a story even thoe I know you full well know :P bt just go along with it for the sake of laughs xD uhh all these wonderful things that just make the rest of life less dramatic

Daddy says.. Dnt stress take it easy.. Bt the only person who can do that for me is you.. Yeh not even shankie :P he helps me escape sometimes when he feels good but only you can make me grin at your or my stupidity xP I can stop being serious with only you

When life gets too serious we frown instead of smile and find calamities where there is only glass of spilt milk

When life gets to serious we frown instead of smile and find calamities where there is only glass of spilt milk

You know.. Shankie asked me why he couldnt be my bestfriend? & at that time I had no answer except that we were to close and because of the proximity even if we jokingly try to poke each other with a knife we could really hurt each other

But now I feel like theres more..

Its because no matter the situation.. Your always happy to see me

And even when we fight and you say things to hurt me and you act like you want me to leave.. I know in your heart circumstances joh bhi ho.. Your happy to see me

Another thing.. No matter how crazy your life gets.. Or how much you'd like to sleep in you wake early so we can laugh and talk and be what makes us .. You never act like its your farz and it never feels like your forcing yourself..

And last bt so important.. I always can hear your hearts words.. You say or do something but I know really what your thinking

Your an open book.. And I know your not like that with everyone and once bfr our fight you were closed to me too .. Bt after like learning to read once you learn there's no going back you cant look at letters without hearing the word in your head too

Pata nhi kya bak bak kargayi..

Bt dil ko torsa chen mila.. Because I can imagine tum message karte toh kya likte.. And finnally I think.. I can sleep

LOL

I've never used lol to say I'm laughing out loud.. Usually thats haha >> yes I really do "haha"

So now I saw LOL because I feel as though.. I've been such a fool ~_~

Naive.. And foolish to be thorough..

How?

Ever heard that little quip.. "Fool me once shame on you.. Fool me twice shame on me"

He fooled me twice.. I trusted him again and I took another hit.. Good God I have never been so stupid in my life..

I can't even say I'll learn from it because LOL i'm going to die soo n xD

He couldnt even spare a dying woman any sympathy.. Uhh I talked to this filth? Not saying I'm any better.. Bt I could have talked to better people for sure O.o

I wonder how many people he told the lie.. I wonder if it makes feel like a man.. Ruining a woman's life..

Oh lord.. I wish I could meet him now.. I Swear to god I'd shoot him in the head and think of consequences later

Daily post: Day 2 ~ Edmonton

Hayyyye Lahuuul :P Dusra din hogaya >:D<

Goooood morning bacha <3

Abhi toh bf nahi kiya hoga.. hai na?

actually :O abhi toh uthe bhi nahi hogeh :P

I think post ka time change karungi :S

Every day 6:30am yeh Daily walla post, post hoga okieee?

I wonder.. tumne brush kiya hoga par? :S

Ganda batcha :P nahi kiya hoga hehe pleeeeassse mereh liyeh karlena :S :P

Aur haan X.x Gonchu kaha tah na mujeh? Abse meh tumeh Gonchu Ji bolaungi >:P

hehe I think jab wapas aaungi toh mera Hindi fir seh bekar hojayega :S .. I mean acha toh khabie nahi tah :P but isseh bhu bura hoajyega :S fir seh sikana padega lahul :P

Tum pictures keh puchogeh hai na .. :( bt mujeh pics nahi leneh ab sniff pata hai my hair is so thin now :'( :'( :'(

awie.. ab toh missing your voice too much :( haha :P wish I could hear "cash dar gayi kya" ab :P

Tum na mujeh Chicken kehte ho par Chicken toh tum hi bante ho >:P bhai ki samne Vo nhi karsakte hahaha xP

Baaaaak Baaaaaak Baaaaakooook

xP xP xP

Wah :O kitna kuch lik diya :S

ab I'll put down the links to our laylist :"> aur haan kitni ushyar hu na :D meneh song name ko link bana diya ab you just have to press them B-) hehe :P

All the songs I post lahul make sure you read or listen to the words carefully because I mean every word <3

RC ~ Music Playlist 2

1. My same - Adele

2. Walking on Sunshine - Ally & AJ

3. I'll be there - Rembrandts

Daily post: Day 1 ~ Edmonton

Rahuuuuul !!

Well.. I'm going to be gone all week :( and I know you get lonely so.. I thought before I go I should Leave at least one post every day for you hehe aur jab jee chahe pad sakte ho :P

I know it's not the same as talking :( bt atleast itna toh karahi hu na? huh yaad hai jab tum Gujarat gaye teh aur net nhi tah -_- bohot miss kiya tah kamina tujeh X.x so shukar man lh keh itna bhi karahi hu >:P

abhi bhi sad ho :( toh samaj loh yeh Cheetos ka badla hai X.x :P hehe haan nhi karungi maaf  >:P

Desssssiiiii boy I'll be thinking about you.. I'll think.. Rahul kya karaha hoga?

Rahul kitne baje office jayega? >> haan puchna bhul gayi :S

Lahuuuuul kitne ladkiya ko ankh maraha hoga *eyes rolled* :P

Will miss your pagal jesi hasi :'( hehe :P and hayeee :"> avaz

pata hai? :O I downloaded all the Ishaqzaade songs :P hehe and because I was so excited doh baar mistake seh Afton ka parinde download hogaya :S oh well :P ab doh baar sunungi I guess :P

soch rhi hu.. keh abhi rahul rep deta toh uski smiley eseh hoti >> -P >> haha :P smile bhi eseh sharati hogi I bet xP xD

kya bak rhi hu pata nhi :S :P lahuuul tum toh bored hogaye hogeh :S oh well :D best friend hu na ;) haq hai mera bored karneka :P

aur haan :D ek bohot cute cow boy jesa ladka hai mera cousin ka dost.. meneh flirt kiya toh tuppar toh nhi marogeh na? :S :P

Also! Tum na mereh liyeh kitne RJ karte ho <3 aj soch rhi hu.. sab Daily post ki sath sath 3 songs pesh karungi tumhari liyeh hehe

These songs are specially dedicated to you rahul.. I hope keh tujeh pasand ayeh..umm lets get started >> haan tumhara line copy kiya xD :P

RC ~ Music Playlist 1

1. Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

2. Umbrella - Rihanna ft Jay Z

3. Hold You Down - J. Lo ft. Fat Joe

Pitter Patter..

I'm an odd woman as they tell me..
I love the rain :D more than I love snow or hail or maybe even a clear sky..
I missed the rain all these winter days.. Don't get me wrong .. The snow was beautiful, graceful and stunning
But the rain is like a companion.. No matter how glittery and fancy anyone else is.. The person whos most beautiful to you is the person who is constant, who knows you at a level no one else does, who you would trust with your life, and if you were to go somewhere far away..You would miss them the most..  I can live without a snowy, or sunny day.. But I would cry if the rain left me to cope with every season alone
Maybe I Love the rain so much because I was born in vancouver? I spent alot of my childhood outside of the city but even where I stayed it rained alot..

My aged love for rain..

.



I was walking home from a long, tiresome day..
The wind was blowing and the grey sky brought out all the shadows in the faces of passers by.. You might not notice but I see in black and white.. An old habit from photography..So I noticed how their cheek bones would stand out against sunk eyes that stared into oblivion..thinking
My black umbrella concealed me from the harsher side of the rain which lashed at my cheek, creating delicate lines of red on my winter pale skin
I suddenly felt an overwhelming affection for this gorgeous music called rain.. It pitter pattered on my umbrella making me feel so at home and made me realize how much I missed the rain
I stepped over wet leaves.. Today was not a good day for heels.. I wished for the redrainboots I had in my youth but ofcourse I'd out grown them long ago
I was only a block away from my over the top house..
Damn I really hate that house O.o everything about it I hate.. The size making all the people passing by feel small, the brown colour half-heartedly trying to make it modest, the security camera trying to be intimidating.. If it were me I'd hit this house up just because the foolish owners think they can stop me with a single camera.. Then again many people call me a fool :P
I even hate the inside.. All the moldings painted in real gold just exuding greed, and gluttony
Huge foyer, huge banister, so many massive unused bedrooms..infact the entire first floor is empty
Yes I hate this house.. Yet I call it home.. I suppose simply because if I'm going to lie about having a home this is the most seemingly truthful lie

Anyway back to rain..

I realized.. I wasn't far from home so off go my expensive heels as I run through enormous puddles that soak my jeans till the knees and throw away my umbrella forgetting that I'm a medical student who should fear getting the cold .. That I'm a woman afraid of getting her hair frizzy .. That I'm a somebody afraid of what people might think.. I just know I love the rain and want it to completely encompass me.. Drench me and I want to feel the rush of cold as I leap into each puddle
I think about everyone who said they wanted to dance with me in the rain.. Every lover of mine without skipping a beat had asked me that.. So today I dance with no one because I have no lovers.. Maybe the girl with a black umbrella and heels does.. But me? No one knows this girl, this infatuated girl.. So can she have a lover?
Opening the gate I become heeled and umbrellad once more.. Laughing at what marie will say..and at that Rain loving girl..

Hmm.. Love..

Tanhayi.. The hindi word for lonliness..

Bechani.. The hindi word for restlesness..

Pareshani.. The hindi word for worriedness..

Never have I known these words with a kind of fire that has them all mixed..

I couldnt even have imagined to feel such a thing..you've loved truly once before but I? For once I feel like the freshman..new at this thing called True love.. Undying love..Pure love..

Everynight I toss and turn..making excuses about a mild pain in my back..mild to the beating thoughts that thrash a cowardly heart..that frisk the depths of a soul asking me..what is love? What must one do for love..?

For a feeling like this I couldnt have drempt..I couldnt have even imagined I couldnt have even wished..

Our love..what a great thing..

A Helpless Heart..

People sometimes ask me why I chose Medicine..

I could say something noble.. I could tell you I like to help sick people get better

Or that seeing that unearthly gratitude in a parents eyes when because of me their child's safe..

None of these answers would be a lie.. I do care about all these things.. they are my motivations

But it's not the first reason that comes to mind.. the first reason started with a boy along time ago who died and there wasn't anything I could do..

I felt so helpless.. Everyone was busy telling me it wasn't my fault.. Telling me there was nothing I could have done.. That I couldn't have known.. but is that honestly the truth? I couldn't have done anything? well maybe not.. I was in elementary.. maybe I was helpless.. but all I knew was I never wanted to feel like that again

So medicine it is .. it was until I got sick myself

I was scared but I knew there were cures and I had hope

I was young and knew death was possible but.. it didn't sink in I always thought..no..at that time I thought I knew I could get through, so I told the only man I trusted.. the only human being I trust completely ..
My Dad..

Sometimes My Daddy cries.. and I pretend not to notice but this time there was no denying why he covered his face with his hands..why his shoulders shook..why he made that odd sorrowful sound or why he for the first time ran away from..Me

Then I met the love of my life.. I'm not even really sure how it happened but I knew the second I saw him I needed find out who this man..really was and I found someone who I could be content with for the rest of my life.. he was a little cold at first..sometimes he pushed me away..but he was a Prince a King and as close to perfect that any being I met thus far had been

Now again.. I stand knees quaking.. every breath sharp and painful.. a dull pain in the back of my head matching the one in my lower back.. my heart aching.. mind aching.. and for the first time.. soul fading

For the first time I lose faith in myself and lose what he calls hope and I call pretending

And I broke up with him.. because I dn't think I'll be strong enough to say goodbye if hes there eyes pleading me not go.. I can't even look at him because I'm scared his eyes will make the truth sink in and make it impossible for me to leave..

I tell you so I can explain my mindset.. I've never feared death nor do I today.. maybe thats my problem

but anyway I was saying I explained what sort of thoughts are going through my head so that you understand
why I'm about to post this song..

"When your happy you enjoy the music..When your down you understand the lyrics"

Beyonce - Broken Hearted Girl

Another Lonely Day - Ben Harper

I've been with a king..